I woke up feeling like I missed something

Last night I had a dream, where we ran into each other after a long time. We talked as if no time at all had passed, as if we were still friends. I told you how worried I was about you, and you nodded sadly, already knowing what I was going to say. We held each other as we once did, as friends, as siblings. Heat of the summer sun, laying back on your bed in your parent's house with the air conditioner on us. We were once so close, I called you my twin. I know that our separation is my own fault, that I am the one who left. I can't help but think how right you were when you finally told me you loved me - how you said you were afraid to take it there, because it might end our friendship. You were right, of course, but what I think we both didn't understand at the time was that our love for each other, though unsaid at the time, would have affected our friendship anyways. It already had. If we never moved in together, if we'd not gone up to work at the Company - things would be different than they are now, to be sure, but our friendship would still have changed. Whether for better or for worse, we'll never know.

I want you to be happy, and I fear for the misery yet to come. I only hope when you hold her, that she makes you smile. I hope that the coming change, though unexpected and even unwanted, will end in happiness for both of you.

In my dream, your hair was still longer than mine, and I brushed it as we talked. I brushed your hair, and we were twins again. I miss you so very much, and I'll probably never get the nerve to tell you directly. I cry as I write this, because I know you'll probably never read it. I'm not unhappy with my man, and I love him as much as I say I do and more. But I miss my friend, and though I know I couldn't have had both, I wish somehow I could.

Does it hurt too much to talk to me? Or do you just not want to associate with me? You probably hate me now, and are too nice to say so. I wish you would call me, though I know if my phone rings, it won't be you on the other end.